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A Message to Milk Haters

Photo courtesy of Cassie Beisheim

Photo courtesy of Cassie Beisheim

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Every weekday morning I wake up, somehow dreading school more than I did the last day. Although I’m a mere sophomore, I’ve already let the high school stress get to my head. If I’m not busy doing schoolwork, homework, or debate work, I’m busy stressing about my years ahead when I won’t have any free time to be stressing. Due to my booked schedule (along with my procrastination habits), more often than not I get less hours of sleep than I’d like to admit. This brings us back to my school mornings. They can pretty much be described in three words: tired, miserable, and dehydrated. As my sushi-pajama-wearing, messy-hair-bearing self stumbles through the rooms of my silent home, there’s a feeling of hopelessness dragging in my feet. I arrive upstairs, a glimmer of hope on the horizon: the refrigerator. The cool box about ten steps from me holds the one thing that gets me out of bed at any hour: milk.

Now that we’re through that elongated anecdote, let’s get straight to the point: people need to quit being bullies to milk drinkers, and join us instead.

There’s an entire WikiHow page dedicated to teaching all you non-dairy lovers how to drink milk. After scowling this page for a good six minutes, my takeaway is pretty simple.

First off, stop reading here if you’re lactose intolerant. There’s no use in me convincing you. Go live your sad, milkless life (kidding, almond milk is alright too).

Next, make sure you’re getting the good stuff. Lousy room temperature skim milk has nothing on a ice cold glass of whole. Once you’ve discovered the hydrating, thirst quenching qualities of a tall glass of cool, creamy, whole milk, you’ll never turn back.

If my persuasive skills haven’t quite convinced you yet, try changing the flavor of your milk. By using techniques like stirring in a spoonful of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, or drinking the sugary milk at the bottom of your cereal bowl, there’s no room for discontent. Everyone loves sugar, and drinking these substances will allow you to wean yourself onto the real deal.

If you haven’t decided to become on of us milk drinkers, I’ll have to assume you’re insane. However, I’ve still got something in store for you. It’s common knowledge that calcium is a necessity for us at all ages. Unfortunately though, about 90% of women and 70% of men don’t consume the recommended daily allowance of calcium. Because of this, it’s crucial that non milk drinkers out there keep up with their calcium intake. Alternatives to the gods’ drink include supplements, as well as foods like almonds or broccoli (much lesser alternatives to dairy if you ask me).

Aside from that mini lesson on calcium, there’s many reasons milk should be a part of your daily life. All that I can hope is that you’ve made it through this article, and that you consider my proposition that milk can and will change your life (or maybe not, but at least it tastes good).

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A Message to Milk Haters